Many years ago in a strange land far from here, there lived a curtain pole. Actually there were lots and lots of curtain poles living there. They were all very different but they lived together in perfect harmony.

Unfortunately, their community was criticised, condemned and persecuted. People were jealous of their harmonious spirit. The world was moving forward and the curtain poles had to fight just to keep finials above water. A video game society had seemed to render the curtain poles irrelevant.

Many in the curtain pole village had lost hope and saw no future. Some had gone off the rails completely and turned to drink!

Queen Nikola, leader of the curtain poles decided she had endured enough of the downward spiral and wanted to emerge from the shadows the world had placed them in, now wasnt a good time to holdback or hide. She wanted to be noticed, she wanted to reinstate the prestige the curtain poles once possessed. She decided the only way to achieve this was with an uprising. Preparation would be in depth, all aspects of the invasion would be planned to the smallest detail. It was time for poles and tracks to be united and be let loose on the world!

The curtain poles had gathered together large stocks of wood and metal and began creating a variety of weapons. Sleek pine, slender walnut and solid oak spears were crafted along with smelted chrome, brass and silver. Putting on the war paint was also a finely tuned process but gallant and handsome they looked!

There was a new determination in curtain pole village; the atmosphere was poles apart from what it had been just a few years earlier. The soldiers stood tall and brave and waited for battle. All had their own insignia engraved onto their shields and helmets. They would enter battle in grand and exquisite style; all other home improvement accessories would be in awe of their couture look. The constellations looked down upon then, Orion smiled proudly at the army’s grandeur.

Queen Nikola amassed the army before her, an inspirational speech ready, for she would lead them all into battle herself. The world was about to be struck like a bolt from the blue and towns and cities everywhere would feel curtain pole wrath. From Lincoln to Los Angeles, Havana to Hampshire and Basingstoke to Belgravia, no place would be left untouched until the domination was complete.

They would attack with stealth and speed, from all angles they would appear. By land, by air, by sea and even by monorail! Holdback, holdback, holdback! Queen Nikola cried, waiting for just the right moment.

It was here! Attack, Attack, Attack! Moving with courage and skill the curtain poles invaded. The world didnt know what had hit them, although the curtain poles were full of mercy and casualties were minimal. Success was comprehensive, victory was astounding, and the job was done. Bearing the mark of defeat was every window and door in the land.

Of course I am far too young to remember this historic battle of curtain pole hill but my grandfather told me many stories about it and I have since seen many documentaries and movies about it. My favourite starring Sally Florentine and Edward Rockingham was The Charge of the Telescopic Curtain Pole. Although I have to admit that Saving Private Finial runs it a close second. Dominic Galleria was magnificent in that!

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